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Why hotels should take my advice…

March 14, 2010

Hi!  *waves shyly*  The original sadcookie wanted me write a blog post at some point or another… I kinda, almost did once but it sucked.

But tonight, @Loving_Alex tweeted a link to a discussion board about meeting Alex Meraz.  I haven’t met him.  That’s pure fail on my part, I know.  The first thing that popped in my head was “On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair” and I immediately bugged the genius that is IllegalWL to help me.  She did.  Here is our (mostly her… she pwns me) masterpiece.

(Illegal rolls her eyes and says whatever!) —(Fang slaps Illegal.)  Really people.  She is the genius here.  :)

Welcome to the Kennel Quileute.

Such a lovely place

Such a lovely face

Plenty of kibble at the Kennel Quileute.

Any time of year, you can find it here

Coming to a hotel brochure near YOU!

His abs were spray tanned and misted… He drives a Mercedes Benz

He got a lot of pretty pretty boys that he calls friends

How they eat all the muffins…blueberry I bet

Some howl to remember, some howl to forget.

I'll give you room service...I'll give you room service all night long!

So I called up the Alpha and said please give me a sign

he said we have all been shapeshifters here since 1369

And still those wolfies are howling from faaaar awaaaay

Woke you up in the middle of the night, just to hear me say…

For the last time lady, there are no spiders in here and stop taking your clothes off!

(chorus)

C’mon you have got to remember Bella,

You could remember Ed, the rest of the undead

Slap him real hard and he’ll fursplode for ya Bella

What a nice surprise, crazy alibis…

We provide a personal escort service to your room. Bow chicka wow wow!

Why Twilight needs a compliation album…strikes back!

February 28, 2010

You thought I’d leave you hanging with only 6 of the 12 (yes 12!) songs in the Twilight album? Well…you thought wrong! On with the madness!

Dance in the mall to Tiffany’s “I think we’re alone now”.

“Running just as fast as we can…

Bella watch your wandering hands…

Trying to stop her stealing my virginity…

So I call her Spider monkey and we climb up on a tree and then she says…

I think we’re alone now…”

...Oh crap! There's a pap...Imma slide my hand down...We arent so alone now....

Sway dreamily to Frankie Valley’s “Cant take my eyes off of you”.

“At long last abs have arrived…

 I thank God Ed’s said bye-bye…

You’re just too good to be true…

Shit that tattoo’s hot on you…”

If you say one more word to my abs, I'm putting my shirt back on...

Get frustrated with The Rolling Stone’s “Fade to Black”.

 “We wanted hot sex and she made it fade to black…

Just broken head-boards and some bruises on her back…

We waited three damn books and the sexing was out of sight…

Did he slip her rufees? cause even she cant remember that night…”

Le sigh...Its my dream honeymoon come to life!

 Swoon to Barry Manilow’s ” Paulex”.

“Oh Paulex, when I slapped you and you started shaking…

And fursploded away…

Oh Paulex, when you smirk I start hyper-ventilating…”

Yes YOU Paulex! You sexy beast you....

Go wild to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls.

“I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want..I wanna…I wanna…I wanna…I wanna…I wanna really really really wanna leg hitch ah…

What do you think about that? Now you now how I feel…

Say you don’t wanna have sex, are you for real?…

I wont be hasty, It might make you cry…

But if you don’t give in, I’ll give Jake a try…”

What part of "I'm not a strip-o-gram" don't you understand?

Sneer while listening to “Torn between two lovers” by Mary Macgregor

“Torn between two lovers, one warm and one cool…

Hawt guys loving me defies all normal rules…

Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool…

Leading them on is fun cause I’m a tool…”

The meadow was the perfect backdrop to Bella's new album...

 Summit you listening? I’m willing to cover ALL these things for some Skittles and 5 minutes with Taylor. I can make you MEEEEELLLIONS!!! No? Ok then…Sadcookie OUT!

Why Twilight needs a compilation album…

February 23, 2010

I believe that Summit is not thorough with milking the wonder that is Twilight. So I have come up with the Twilight compilation album. 12 (yes 12!) amazing songs recorded by your favourite artists from the past. If you thought your “Housework Songs” album made you shiver with matronly pleasure wait till you hear this!   

 Le the Bee Gees dazzle you with “More than a Wolfman”…   

 “I will always be your imprint…no more glitter and shine…    

 I just wanna watch you…one fursplosion at a time….”   

  

Edward never liked the fake tans...

 Listen to the sexy “One of my kind” by INXS …

“I’m creeping tonight…I copied your house key 

I broke into your room…I know you dont mind” 

Behind the smiles, the pack always hated Jacob's hair...

 Fist pump to “I’d love a Wrist to hold” by Joan Jett…

“I’d love a wrist to hold…take a little walk on the tarmac baby 

I’d love a wrist to hold…so c’mon take a pic and squee with me” 

I found him dancing by a record machine...I asked him to stop

  

 Rock out to “You give Vamps a bad name” by Jon Bon Jovi…    

“Stake through the heart…you’re alive? that’s lame    

 Cullens you give Vamps a bad name    

 You dazzle and prance and you killed cool James    

 You give Vamps a bad name”    

  

I wonder if they'll write a slash fic about us...dibs on Jasper!

 Roll about in a wedding dress to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna…

 
Oh your love (read – peen) thawed out…yeah your love thawed out
  
Cause I don’t like the cold…. (or wet thing actually)”
  

Also pictured - Owl who did NOT "make it through the wilderness"

 And bop your head to “Faith” by George Michael…    

 “Oh but I need some time off from chick emotions…So off to Italy now I must go    

 I’m sure a shirtless man will show you devotion    

 So till Sam Uley shows up    

  You can lie here on the floor”    

   

Cause we gotta have faith...that stuff like this will go up in flames...

 Want more? Wanna throw up? Part two coming soon!    

 p.s. I’ve taken down the author pics cause I feel like it’s putting the pressure on my Mafia…All in good time people…All in good time…    

 SadCookie out!

Why you should be scared…very scared…

February 11, 2010

Dear Taylor,

Congratulations you poor Sad Cookie. You’re officially…

 

Expect lots of this…

 

By people like this…

 

I know Buddy…

 

I feel the same way…

Love,

Me

Why Sharks are cooler than Edward Cullen…

February 10, 2010

So Edward says he’s the world’s most dangerous predator…I say pfffft! Sharks are WAY more awesome. Here are some fun facts to ponder over…

A shark can hear a fish in the water from more than a mile away. Edward can’t hear Carlisle’s thoughts 10 feet away from the Police Station.

Carlisle wants to take me behind a dumpster? Oh sorry...I read a nearby Cougar mind by mistake...

Sharks breed late in life. They do not start breeding until they’re at least twenty years old. Damn boy! Sharks get more tail *snort* than you!

"Oh Edward!" "Oh Bella!" Their gills flapped wildly in the throes of passion...

Most baby sharks that are born live come out of their mother’s body tail first, although a few species emerge headfirst. Quite sure the daddy shark doesnt rip through mummy shark’s uterus for that.

Even the sharks thought this was barbaric...

Sharks dont sparkle. If they did, the sting rays would laugh them out of the ocean.

At least Shparkle didn't hear wind chimes...

But suddenly, I started seeing the similarities…

The whale shark is harmless and will allow scuba divers to hitch rides by hanging on to their fins.

You better hold on tight Scuba Monkey

Sharks can be fussy eaters. Sometimes they will take a bite out of their prey or just sink their teeth in to get a taste before they start really feeding. If they don’t like the taste, they spit it out and move on.

James spat it out...This should have been a sign...

During mating, a male shark would bite the female to arouse her interest.

I've been really tryin', baby...Tryin' to hold back this feeling for so long...

A Great White Shark can roll its eyeballs back which protects the vital front part of the eye from being scratched.

Watch it Edward! Bella's about to start voguing...

 Awww Edward you know I love you…but Sharks are just cooler…

It's ok buddy...my 14 year old sister still thinks you're cool...

Thanks for the info Shark Facts!

Why lack of Twi-news forces me to be creative…

February 2, 2010

 So, let’s be honest. Twi-news is a bit of a fail lately. And not just an ordinary fail…an EPIC fail. Like Bella NOT singing “I wanna take a ride on your Disco stick” before the leg-hitch (Slade…I saw the script* you better not cut that scene ya hear?) So as many Twi-fans crash and burn while waiting for news (and I mean ANY news…like how many times do the 100 monkeys dry clean that banana costume? and will it be featured in Breaking Dawn as part of Emmett taking his sexual innuendos a liiitle too far and thereby getting his ass kicked by Charlie?) I decided to bring back the moderately funny…

*I didnt see the script. I just wanted to sound cool…I am evidently not.

So remember when I found this amazing comparison?

Doooood....its like SNL could read my miiiiind maaaan.....

Yeah, imagine my surprise when I saw THIS pic of Rob… 

Imma tie you to the train tracks and make you watch the TUCK.....

 And immediately thought of this….

Snidely Whiplash had perfected the art of the sex stache...

and then I saw Kellan…

"Okay, Gang, let's split up and search for clues...you and I will search in this bedroom right here"

Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands...the case of the missing Anaconda!

Oh Ashley…

I wanna be loved by you, alone! Boop-boop-ba-doo..nt call the asylum!

 
 

Betty's next photo shoot involved her posing ONLY wearing paint....oh right...

Awww Jasper you droopy, adorable thing you…

Yeah...smile while you can Rathbone...Droopy's a Twi-prude and he's gonna kick your ass...

Jasper said RELAX...with some Valium...

Nikki was a hard one (twss) but I she totally fit into W.I.T.C.H. A cartoon I forced my little brother to watch with me after he made me watch all his violent anime stuff. 

What? Cornelia can't Avada Kedavra anyone? LAME!

Cornelia Hale (yes Hale!) was shunned by her vampire family for preferring Rowling over Rice.

K-Stew was seriously the hardest (twss) but I found such a BAMF character after I saw this pic…

Boris dahlink...we must get rid of that moose and squirrel...and while we're at it...that wolf too.

After Edward left...Bella did some things...things she weren't proud of...

 Imagine the entire Twilight saga playing out with these characters…Oh bless my little stripey socks, I do feel a FF coming on. “Eric captured Natasha’s lips with his…She struggled at first, trying to focus on the way Snidely’s ice-cold sparkly stache tickled her chin whenever he kissed her “. Errrr…yeah…maybe not. I think I’ll stick to giant bananas and Emmett (twss).

And a special announcement…Sadcookie is sad no longer. I will be joined by my one and only twinsie, Fang and the my one and only squishy porcupine, StotheP. They will be adding their hilarious rants to this bloggy and I am uber excited! (No pressure guys…I just get excited) So, until they come out of the bloggy cave…Sadcookie out!

Why Grease is the word…

January 24, 2010

First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone who reads and comments on SadCookie. I’m never really sure if I should comment after each one because that seems to be a little too party-hostess to me. “Thank you for coming…It’s been lovely having you…Is that my hideous gravy boat in your coat?…Is that my candle stick in your pocket? (or are you just happy to see me? badum bump!)” Also I keep thinking that even if I do, you never come back to read it anyway lol. I’m really new to the blog game so if I’m doing something wrong just let me know.

Soooo what inspired this post…?

T-Laut of the T-Birds

During a recent twitter convo (inspired by this pic)  about which character from Grease we would be, I picked Sandy in honour of my virginal prude-ness. Also cause I’m the Fez of the group and I live in New Zealand (not so far from Australia). I also sang “Hopelessly devoted to you” in school and it’s a celeb stalker song if I ever heard one.

Dammit Lautner! Now we just look like twins...

Then I realised that I wouldn’t be able to slide into that catsuit even with a life-time supply of baby oil and exercise. That kind of slinky-ness is definitely not ready for this jelly. So while reading up on quotes and pondering which character I would inhabit, I found a winner when Doody tells Frenchy at the dance competition that she looks like “a beautiful blonde pineapple”. Harps played, angels sang and Miley got another pair of short shorts as I realised that I was Frenchy…Optimistic, bubbly, Beauty School drop-out whose a little too infatuated with a teen idol…

No, not that Frenchy...Is it February yet? No? Then what are you looking at Tay? Shameless...

I was talking about THIS Frenchy…

Yoooouuuuu....better forget it (oooh ahhh) I'll only be BFF's with you...

 

Frenchy should have NEVER messed with the giant snowball...

 

Swifty and Me in happier times...(Why Lawd Why?)

 

 

Frenchy had never seen shirtless Edward before...She would always blame him for her eye problems...

 

I know Danny and Frenchy dont pair up in the movie. I dont think they’re even BFFs but look at how adorable we are…(awww with me people) Ok…for it to work you need to think more tan and brunette. Fine…thats the most misleading representation of me in the history of the world! I’m just covering my bases in case Tay’s looking for a Swifty-esque BFF.

And finally…cause his birthday is coming up (and therefore a warning to all Cougars), this is one of my favourite snort-inducing lines from the movie…

NO HINEY BITING!

I’m serious. See his face? He is running scared people…lets not make him a hermit….

P.s. I hope Tay has watched “Grease” in order to understand this post. (Cause face it, he reads this blog as much as he reads Playboy and Batman comics)

Sad Cookie…out!

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