But tonight, @Loving_Alex tweeted a link to a discussion board about meeting Alex Meraz.  I haven’t met him.  That’s pure fail on my part, I know.  The first thing that popped in my head was “On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair” and I immediately bugged the genius that is IllegalWL to help me.  She did.  Here is our (mostly her… she pwns me) masterpiece.

(Illegal rolls her eyes and says whatever!) —(Fang slaps Illegal.)  Really people.  She is the genius here. 

Welcome to the Kennel Quileute.

Such a lovely place

Such a lovely face

Plenty of kibble at the Kennel Quileute.

Any time of year, you can find it here

Coming to a hotel brochure near YOU!

His abs were spray tanned and misted… He drives a Mercedes Benz

He got a lot of pretty pretty boys that he calls friends

How they eat all the muffins…blueberry I bet

Some howl to remember, some howl to forget.

I'll give you room service...I'll give you room service all night long!

So I called up the Alpha and said please give me a sign

he said we have all been shapeshifters here since 1369

And still those wolfies are howling from faaaar awaaaay

Woke you up in the middle of the night, just to hear me say…

For the last time lady, there are no spiders in here and stop taking your clothes off!

(chorus)

C’mon you have got to remember Bella,

You could remember Ed, the rest of the undead

Slap him real hard and he’ll fursplode for ya Bella

What a nice surprise, crazy alibis…

We provide a personal escort service to your room. Bow chicka wow wow!

Dance in the mall to Tiffany’s “I think we’re alone now”.

“Running just as fast as we can…

Bella watch your wandering hands…

Trying to stop her stealing my virginity…

So I call her Spider monkey and we climb up on a tree and then she says…

I think we’re alone now…”

...Oh crap! There's a pap...Imma slide my hand down...We arent so alone now....

Sway dreamily to Frankie Valley’s “Cant take my eyes off of you”.

“At long last abs have arrived…

 I thank God Ed’s said bye-bye…

You’re just too good to be true…

Shit that tattoo’s hot on you…”

If you say one more word to my abs, I'm putting my shirt back on...

Get frustrated with The Rolling Stone’s “Fade to Black”.

 ”We wanted hot sex and she made it fade to black…

Just broken head-boards and some bruises on her back…

We waited three damn books and the sexing was out of sight…

Did he slip her rufees? cause even she cant remember that night…”

Le sigh...Its my dream honeymoon come to life!

 Swoon to Barry Manilow’s ” Paulex”.

“Oh Paulex, when I slapped you and you started shaking…

And fursploded away…

Oh Paulex, when you smirk I start hyper-ventilating…”

Yes YOU Paulex! You sexy beast you....

Go wild to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls.

“I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want..I wanna…I wanna…I wanna…I wanna…I wanna really really really wanna leg hitch ah…

What do you think about that? Now you now how I feel…

Say you don’t wanna have sex, are you for real?…

I wont be hasty, It might make you cry…

But if you don’t give in, I’ll give Jake a try…”

What part of "I'm not a strip-o-gram" don't you understand?

Sneer while listening to “Torn between two lovers” by Mary Macgregor

“Torn between two lovers, one warm and one cool…

Hawt guys loving me defies all normal rules…

Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool…

Leading them on is fun cause I’m a tool…”

The meadow was the perfect backdrop to Bella's new album...

 Summit you listening? I’m willing to cover ALL these things for some Skittles and 5 minutes with Taylor. I can make you MEEEEELLLIONS!!! No? Ok then…Sadcookie OUT!

 Le the Bee Gees dazzle you with “More than a Wolfman”…   

 “I will always be your imprint…no more glitter and shine…    

 I just wanna watch you…one fursplosion at a time….”   

Edward never liked the fake tans...

 Listen to the sexy “One of my kind” by INXS …

“I’m creeping tonight…I copied your house key 

I broke into your room…I know you dont mind” 

Behind the smiles, the pack always hated Jacob's hair...

 Fist pump to “I’d love a Wrist to hold” by Joan Jett…

“I’d love a wrist to hold…take a little walk on the tarmac baby 

I’d love a wrist to hold…so c’mon take a pic and squee with me” 

I found him dancing by a record machine...I asked him to stop

 Rock out to “You give Vamps a bad name” by Jon Bon Jovi…    

“Stake through the heart…you’re alive? that’s lame    

 Cullens you give Vamps a bad name    

 You dazzle and prance and you killed cool James    

 You give Vamps a bad name”    

I wonder if they'll write a slash fic about us...dibs on Jasper!

 Roll about in a wedding dress to ”Like a Virgin” by Madonna…

Also pictured - Owl who did NOT "make it through the wilderness"

 And bop your head to “Faith” by George Michael…    

 “Oh but I need some time off from chick emotions…So off to Italy now I must go    

 I’m sure a shirtless man will show you devotion    

 So till Sam Uley shows up    

  You can lie here on the floor”    

Cause we gotta have faith...that stuff like this will go up in flames...

 Want more? Wanna throw up? Part two coming soon!    

 p.s. I’ve taken down the author pics cause I feel like it’s putting the pressure on my Mafia…All in good time people…All in good time…    

 SadCookie out!

Congratulations you poor Sad Cookie. You’re officially…

Expect lots of this…

By people like this…

I know Buddy…

I feel the same way…

Love,

Me

A shark can hear a fish in the water from more than a mile away. Edward can’t hear Carlisle’s thoughts 10 feet away from the Police Station.

Carlisle wants to take me behind a dumpster? Oh sorry...I read a nearby Cougar mind by mistake...

Sharks breed late in life. They do not start breeding until they’re at least twenty years old. Damn boy! Sharks get more tail *snort* than you!

"Oh Edward!" "Oh Bella!" Their gills flapped wildly in the throes of passion...

Most baby sharks that are born live come out of their mother’s body tail first, although a few species emerge headfirst. Quite sure the daddy shark doesnt rip through mummy shark’s uterus for that.

Even the sharks thought this was barbaric...

Sharks dont sparkle. If they did, the sting rays would laugh them out of the ocean.

At least Shparkle didn't hear wind chimes...

But suddenly, I started seeing the similarities…

The whale shark is harmless and will allow scuba divers to hitch rides by hanging on to their fins.

You better hold on tight Scuba Monkey

Sharks can be fussy eaters. Sometimes they will take a bite out of their prey or just sink their teeth in to get a taste before they start really feeding. If they don’t like the taste, they spit it out and move on.

James spat it out...This should have been a sign...

During mating, a male shark would bite the female to arouse her interest.

I've been really tryin', baby...Tryin' to hold back this feeling for so long...

A Great White Shark can roll its eyeballs back which protects the vital front part of the eye from being scratched.

Watch it Edward! Bella's about to start voguing...

 Awww Edward you know I love you…but Sharks are just cooler…

It's ok buddy...my 14 year old sister still thinks you're cool...

Thanks for the info Shark Facts!

*I didnt see the script. I just wanted to sound cool…I am evidently not.

So remember when I found this amazing comparison?

Doooood....its like SNL could read my miiiiind maaaan.....

Yeah, imagine my surprise when I saw THIS pic of Rob… 

Imma tie you to the train tracks and make you watch the TUCK.....

 And immediately thought of this….

Snidely Whiplash had perfected the art of the sex stache...

and then I saw Kellan…

"Okay, Gang, let's split up and search for clues...you and I will search in this bedroom right here"

Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands...the case of the missing Anaconda!

Oh Ashley…

I wanna be loved by you, alone! Boop-boop-ba-doo..nt call the asylum!

Betty's next photo shoot involved her posing ONLY wearing paint....oh right...

Awww Jasper you droopy, adorable thing you…

Yeah...smile while you can Rathbone...Droopy's a Twi-prude and he's gonna kick your ass...

Jasper said RELAX...with some Valium...

Nikki was a hard one (twss) but I she totally fit into W.I.T.C.H. A cartoon I forced my little brother to watch with me after he made me watch all his violent anime stuff. 

What? Cornelia can't Avada Kedavra anyone? LAME!

Cornelia Hale (yes Hale!) was shunned by her vampire family for preferring Rowling over Rice.

K-Stew was seriously the hardest (twss) but I found such a BAMF character after I saw this pic…

Boris dahlink...we must get rid of that moose and squirrel...and while we're at it...that wolf too.

After Edward left...Bella did some things...things she weren't proud of...

 Imagine the entire Twilight saga playing out with these characters…Oh bless my little stripey socks, I do feel a FF coming on. “Eric captured Natasha’s lips with his…She struggled at first, trying to focus on the way Snidely’s ice-cold sparkly stache tickled her chin whenever he kissed her ”. Errrr…yeah…maybe not. I think I’ll stick to giant bananas and Emmett (twss).

And a special announcement…Sadcookie is sad no longer. I will be joined by my one and only twinsie, Fang and the my one and only squishy porcupine, StotheP. They will be adding their hilarious rants to this bloggy and I am uber excited! (No pressure guys…I just get excited) So, until they come out of the bloggy cave…Sadcookie out!

Soooo what inspired this post…?

T-Laut of the T-Birds

During a recent twitter convo (inspired by this pic)  about which character from Grease we would be, I picked Sandy in honour of my virginal prude-ness. Also cause I’m the Fez of the group and I live in New Zealand (not so far from Australia). I also sang “Hopelessly devoted to you” in school and it’s a celeb stalker song if I ever heard one.

Dammit Lautner! Now we just look like twins...

Then I realised that I wouldn’t be able to slide into that catsuit even with a life-time supply of baby oil and exercise. That kind of slinky-ness is definitely not ready for this jelly. So while reading up on quotes and pondering which character I would inhabit, I found a winner when Doody tells Frenchy at the dance competition that she looks like “a beautiful blonde pineapple”. Harps played, angels sang and Miley got another pair of short shorts as I realised that I was Frenchy…Optimistic, bubbly, Beauty School drop-out whose a little too infatuated with a teen idol…

No, not that Frenchy...Is it February yet? No? Then what are you looking at Tay? Shameless...

I was talking about THIS Frenchy…

Yoooouuuuu....better forget it (oooh ahhh) I'll only be BFF's with you...

Frenchy should have NEVER messed with the giant snowball...

Swifty and Me in happier times...(Why Lawd Why?)

Frenchy had never seen shirtless Edward before...She would always blame him for her eye problems...

And finally…cause his birthday is coming up (and therefore a warning to all Cougars), this is one of my favourite snort-inducing lines from the movie…

NO HINEY BITING!

I’m serious. See his face? He is running scared people…lets not make him a hermit….

P.s. I hope Tay has watched “Grease” in order to understand this post. (Cause face it, he reads this blog as much as he reads Playboy and Batman comics)

Sad Cookie…out!

Ok? Ready? Now prepare to have your mind blown!

First a few things I need to clarify…I fancy the pants off of Daniel Radcliffe. He’s totally fit! (See what I did there? Imagine me saying that in a sexy British accent…cause I can TOTALLY bust that out)

Secondly, this just might fall flat on its face so please put up with my random ranting.

And finally, the ending of the movie killed me so please don’t think I’m poking fun at an event that stopped me from smiling for a day…a whole friking day that the sunshine monster was consumed by a big-ass rain cloud. This is my way of dealing…I hope you understand.

Right…the whole point of this video is to illustrate the plight of millions of women around the world. Cho = us, Harry = Our significant others/ normal boys and Cedric = Rob/any celeb or untouchable we’re crushing on. In other words…Rob.

My snitch can make your Hufflepuff

My point (If I have one…and I think I do…maybe) we are all Chos…kissing our Harry’s just because we can’t have our Cedric’s. Yes, he’ll give you a cheesetastic grin that makes your heart melt and bloomers explode but the Cedric’s are completely unattainable. So you sigh and eye-eff that picture, not to mention read the fan fiction you’ve stuck next to it and you ask Harry for deets, hoping that if Cedric DID live (read – knew you existed and wanted to take you behind the Whomping Willow for a bit of whomp in the hay ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo) you would have a chance in hell with him. When he tells you that Cedric was good but not good enough (read – no chance in hale that he’d like you so settle and deal sistah! or gay) you kiss Harry. The awkward one who talks about Nargles right before he leans in (way to go Romeo) and is a bit kinky cause he wants to pash in front of a mirror.

Cedric never knew why he lost the position of Court Jester...

 But you try to make it a little better…you look sideways at Cedric, imagining those sexy smirking lips on yours and cry a little cause you realise it will happen on the 5th of Never. And he’ll go back to his friends and bitch about what a weird-ass chick you are, never knowing that as soon as he left, you were aaaall over that poster of Rob/Tay  Cedric like it was your job.

And don’t even get me started on pashing a guy in robes. I have (years of choir) and it’s not the sexiest thing in the world…Give me skinny-ass sleeveless Cedric any day…

Nipple peekage in 3....2....

So for when you’re gonna be kissing your Harry (who is awesome in his own right…I should know…I scored the Harry of a lifetime) here’s a little sumthing sumthing to look at…just make sure he doesn’t see you drooling over his shoulder.

Mmmmmmm...Wish I was right there with you baby...

Has your mind been blown? No? Yeah I figured that would happen…I think I need to lay off the metaphors…*trots off to look for chocolate and finds none* Sad Cookie…Sad Cookie indeed…

Dammit! I think I see Robsten...

So what are the positive things I see in this picture?

*How awesome it is that Tay doesn’t forget the people from his past even though he’s the golden boy of Hollywood now. That gives me hope that if  serendipity occurs, I’ll have a bloody good chance of being his friend even though I’m not famous or look like a celebrity.

*Father-son bonding – There’s been a lot of stuff about Daddy Lautner being a protective stage parent but whatever he’s been doing, it’s working. I’ve never seen such a poised, polite and grounded 17-year-old in all my days. Considering that he’s thrust in the media spotlight and therefore scrutinised more thoroughly, the Lautner’s have done an awesome job raising an uber cool kid. Plus, I still go clubbing with my parents (who are un-embarrassingly awesome) and I really enjoy their company. If that makes me a loser…so be it.

*It seems to me that Sara is a really cool BFF and doesn’t want to hog the spotlight from Tay. I mean she looks like a regular person, she isn’t dressed like a Disney slut and seems to make Tay happy. Good on her! He definitely would have wanted some support after Swifty (I mean, breaking up in private is hard enough…imagine if people all over the world speculated about it, calling your sexuality and maturity into question…gah!) She seems pretty down-to-earth and not exploitative of her friendship with him *narrows eyes at certain Disney Princesses*

* I have been informed by my besties that Olive Garden is a cheeseballs Italian restaurant that’s not usually frequented by celebs. Regardless of the speculations of frugality or bad taste, I think its kinda cool that they havent really changed their habits from a year ago. If I was a celebrity, I’d still eat at Mc’Donalds…I mean I’m all for trying out new things and reveling in celeb-dom but why mess with a good formula? If Olive Garden is what floats your boat…FAN-tastic! I expect a treat there in June…

I know I keep promising things like posting everyday and havent been following through with it and I’m sorry. Apart from being utterly swamped with Summer school, I’ve been having writer’s block and now I know why…there’s only so many things that the sad cookie can hate on…so expect more sunshine and rainbows from now on. I know my rantings make me sound like a lunatic but I’m still trying to find my bloggy voice and also to figure out myself. It feels like I’ve never really stopped and thought about why I do the things I do…

Unlike Miley, Avril was quick to state her affiliation to Team Edward

Rob hoped that bringing his own prop would help him land a role in the "Mannequin" remake

Jasper would be a moody perve when he didn't get some from Alice...

The stroke had left his face deformed and his eyes never really seemed to focus but Reader...I married him

Always knew he was a boob guy...

Woah! That was fast....Wait! That look on his face looks strangely familiar....

Zomg! Step away from the koolaid Tay...Step. away. now.

Just realised I’m not very funny today and I apologise. The pics are hilarious enough without my comments so I’m hoping the sheer ridiculousness at least put a smile on your face. I’m leaving the last one for you guys to caption cause I can’t seem to make any sense of it…I mean LOOK at it…What does it even mean?

Here’s hoping everything turns out fine and I can resume all of the madness with none of the mope. Sad cookie OUT!